Joy

I know I mentioned that I would share some chapters from my book today about mama, but I think I’ll just share some beautiful jewels she shared with me and to focus on what brings me joy.

Mental wellness is very important to me. It’s something that I believe is very important to practice. So often, mental wellness is talked about a lot because it has become a trendy topic, however, before it became a trendy topic, it’s always been something that I practiced.

I will eventually post some chapters from my book about my Queen, however, I want this blog post to highlight joyful moments and lessons learned. The book makes me emotional.

Mama was always sharing jewels. I used to cook it the kitchen with Mama all the time. It was so much fun to me.

One day, mama was cooking a meal and I was helping out. I was probably about 8 years old? Mama had a bowl full of corn that she had prepared to put in a pot to cook as a side dish. I didn’t know that. I dumped all of the corn in the ground beef that mama also had on the stove.

‘That was supposed to go into a pot by itself,’ she said.

I put both of my hands on my face kind of like Kevin on Home Alone when he was in shock. Lol!

She calmly stirred the corn into the ground beef and smiled. ‘That’s okay, baby. It’s in there now. We might as well make the best of it.’

We created a dish that turned out amazing. My mommy was so proud of the dish. She offered it to guests that visited our home later that day and said,

‍‘My baby made this. Try it.’

I cooked with mama many times before then, however, this is my first memory of developing a recipe. Mama did it all the time. Though it was a mistake, we turned it into a beautiful memory.

That’s joy!

THE LESSON: WE ARE HUMAN. MISTAKES AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS ARE INEVITABLE. HOWEVER, EVERY MISTAKE CAN BE TURNED INTO A LESSON THAT’S FILLED WITH JOY AND BLESSINGS.

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Oftentimes, there’s a misconception that if one doesn’t have issues getting pregnant the first time, there won’t be any infertility issues. That’s not true. I had no infertility issues before I gave birth to my beautiful princess, Kiley. However, I remember the doctor telling me at 28 years old, that by the time I get in my 30’s, ‘around 32,33′, he said, ‘You won’t be able to have any more children on your own.”

I was absolutely blessed to have Kiley. However, I knew Kiley wanted to have a sibling and my husband, Kendrick and I also wanted to have another baby.

I remember sitting in the car as we were driving on the interstate in disbelief that this was happening to me.

‘I am almost 30 years old already.’ Every month around that time was a reminder that that dream hadn’t come true that month. Fast forward to after losing two of my unborn babies, which still hurts, I was pregnant with my beautiful princess, Kyla. I gave birth to her when I was 29 years old. Six days before I turned 30 years old.

I thought that was all the babies I could have. I felt blessed for my daughters and we stood in gratitude. Remember what the doctor told me about not having babies in my 30’s? Well, one day I just felt pregnant. Kendrick got a test. After I took it, I waited for the answer. As I waited, I pulled up my shirt, looking at my stomach in the mirror. My stomach had the early pregnant look. I smiled and rubbed my stomach as if I already knew. But, the truth was, I didn’t know and I didn’t want to get my hopes up. The doctor did say that I wouldn’t be able to have anymore babies. Then, the memories of Mama’s soothing voice echoed in my heart,

“Those doctors don’t know everything”, she had said a number of times before.

I slowly walked over to my test to read the results. I WAS PREGNANT! YAY!!!!! LOL!

I remember laughing and looking up toward the ceiling, “Jehovah, is this my son?” I laughed. I would’ve been feeling super blessed no matter what the gender was, however, I just felt like it was my son.

I ran to show Kendrick the test. We both were super excited. When we told Kiley and Kyla they were super excited as well.

I gave birth to my beautiful son, my sonshine (sunshine) at 33 years old, 4 days before turning 34 years old. The doctors were wrong. Especially by the time I’m 33, the doctor told me. Why that odd number? I was actually almost 34 years old though! What a blessing!

Here’s what I’ve told people who were experiencing infertility issues: don’t be discouraged. You don’t know what tomorrow holds. It’s absolutely possible. If it doesn’t happen, know that God won’t allow any more than you can bear. He will soothe you to acceptance. But, also know that if your journey looks a little different, that’s still a beautiful blessing.

THE LESSON: SOMETIMES WE MAY EXPERIENCE MOMENTS THAT CAN CAUSE US TO HAVE QUESTIONS, FEAR, FRUSTRATIONS, SADNESS, AND ANXIETY. YESTERDAY IS GONE AND TOMORROW HAS NOT ARRIVED YET. PRAY AND STAND IN GRATITUDE TODAY. YOUR TOMORROW WILL HAVE MANY BLESSINGS JUST AS TODAY DOES.

Mama always taught me what meaningful beauty meant. I’m blessed that I get to share those jewels with my children. I’m blessed that my children get to see a great example of how a husband and wife should love, uplift, honor each other, and stand together as one. I love how my son gets to see daddy cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, washing his sisters’ hair, and running mommy’s bathwater many times and so much more. We teach our children that there’s no such thing as a gender responsibility in a marriage when it comes to chores and helping each other when it gets busy or even if it’s not busy. We are one. We work together as a team. I’m blessed that my daughters get to see how much mommy loves her natural kinky hair. I don’t own many wigs because I wear my natural hair most of the time. My goal in 2023 is to wear my natural hair on camera sometimes. I love seeing my daughters look in the mirror and smile proudly at the texture of their beautiful hair. There’s nothing wrong with wearing wigs and weaves. I have many times. I just want to make sure we appreciate what we’ve been blessed with and to be proud of it. This is important for my son to see also. One day we were about to go for a ride. I was trying to decide what scarf I was going to wear because I didn’t feel like putting on a wig. My husband says, “Why wear the scarf? Your afro is beautiful!” That was joy!

I have always enjoyed uplifting others. That’s meaningful beauty to me. Some weeks back, someone I hadn’t talked to in a while sent me a text and said that she was thinking of beautiful people and thought of me.

‘You sent me this post years ago to tell me that I represent meaningful beauty. I’m sending it back to you because you represent meaningful beauty too.’

THE LESSON: THE JEWELS AND GIFTS WE SHARE WITH OTHERS TODAY CAN ONE DAY BE GIFTED BACK TO US IN RETURN BY SEEING THEIR GRATITUDE AND SEEING HOW MUCH IT UPLIFTED THEM.

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My family was invited to a painting party on Saturday. It’s such a beautiful feeling to be surrounded by amazing people. I think about my mama everyday. I am grateful for the beautiful moments we shared together. My family is my everything. No matter where we are, time with each other is priceless. Mama went to sleep on December 6th. We miss her and love her deeply. We chose to travel a bit this quarter. We traveled earlier in the year, but my husband wanted to take me to one of my favorite places – to a beach and places our children enjoy. They love the beach as well too. I gave myself permission to travel without my bento box. I believe that wellness is important, not to just focus on weight because all sizes are beautiful. Wellness to me, is not just physical. It’s spiritual, mental, emotional . . . so much more than a number on the scale. I want my children to have a healthy view of what it means to be healthy. I love that they understand that while it’s important to be mindful of our wellness, we don’t want to obsess over it for the wrong reasons. That’s unbalanced and unhealthy. That’s important for my husband and I to teach them. Our children are so beautiful, smart, wise, and so full of joy and happiness. We traveled, but we also made tents in the living room to camp and watch movies and eat popcorn. It is always joy to hear Shawn the Sheep cartoon because it’s one of Kenny’s favorites and for Kiley and Kyla to teach me some new dances that I still haven’t learned because dancing is not my strongest strength. Lol. It’s joy seeing Kendrick talking to the television screen during a football game telling them what to do. Lol. And, of course being an amazing husband and father.

Here are some moments from the paint party Saturday that brings me joy! There are many more, but here’s a few.

Kyla’s beautiful art. Her story was that the sun made the flower happy. That’s true for us humans too. When we share and receive light, it uplifts us.

Here’s Kiley’s beautiful art of a beach. She was going to paint a sunset, but the background colors that she already painted would’ve not looked how she wanted the sunset, so she painted a beautiful mountain and like Bob Ross(artist), described it as a happy accident. Lol.

Daddy is teaching our sonshine, Kenny how to play basketball. He was really focused and he did amazing. Lol. We all had so much fun. Kenny is 4. He is tall! My princesses are tall as well. Kiley, my oldest daughter, Kiley (12) is now taller than me and Kyla (7) is almost Kiley’s height. My husband is 6’3″. Lol!. Everyone will be taller than me.

THE LESSON: GRIEF DOESN’T GO AWAY. YOU JUST LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH IT. BUT, ALWAYS REMEMBER TO LIVE LIFE STANDING IN GRATITUDE ENJOYING YOUR PRICELESS BLESSINGS.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this letter today. My goals every day are rooted in love, good intentions, and being able to provide a dose of comfort, ease, and/or enjoyment for everyone reading.

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